“I'm really proud of this team and ownership,” exclaimed Raiders head coach John Gruden. “To be able to stand here - at this podium and not outside because a casino took ownership of the stadium after a bad streak at blackjack - is a victory itself!”
Saturn and Jupiter Are Closer Today Than You Will Ever Be With Your Dad
“The planets will be close enough to look like a super planet, unlike your not-super dad who never showed up for your milestone moments in life,” announced top astronomers.
NFL Demands Social Distancing When Tackling Another Player
“All players must now remain physically distanced by six feet or more while tackling. We know this will work because the CDC said so.”
Man With Big Truck Actually Has Big Dick
Much to the bewilderment of everyone who sees him driving around in his massive penis compensator, Martin legitimately has a remarkable schlong.
No Grandma That’s Not a Touch Screen
Continuously pressing the promo bar at the bottom of the screen, she yelled at the TV, "I'm done with this football game. Come on, damn you, I want to watch 60 Minutes!"
Trump Further Undoes Obama Presidency By Resurrecting Osama Bin Laden
Washington D.C. In a surprising move to cement his own legacy and dismantle his predecessor, president Donald Trump resurrected Al-Qaeda leader, Osama Bin Laden, back from the dead after being killed by SEAL Team 6 back on May 6, 2011 by order of President Obama. The move received mix views for U.S. citizens with some … Continue reading Trump Further Undoes Obama Presidency By Resurrecting Osama Bin Laden
Where the Fuck is the Cat Now?
Robins hired a private investigator to try to find his cat, but even the PI was unable to find a single trace of the illusive cat.
COVID-19 Crisis Actors Sure Doing A Convincing Job
The ongoing "pandemic," caused by the supposed "coronavirus," has lasted nearly nine months so far, thanks to the impressive effort of all the crisis actors that have been staging this charade.
I Am A Journalist With Amnesia And I Forgot What I Was Going To Write About
Hello I am...actually what was my name? This damn amnesia that I got made me forget. Something big happened...I swear it did, and I really was going to write about it. Something about a car accident? I think maybe a natural disaster. Honestly I'm not sure if the location at the top of the article is correct. It's possible I'm not a journalist?
5 Reasons Your New Kid is Way Better Than Your Old Kid
Having a kid is a momentous occasion for any couple. Preparing for the arrival of another kid is even more reason for excitement. We, at Unsubscribed, are here with the top 5 reasons your new kid is way better than your old kid: New kid has brighter future Your older kid will already be well … Continue reading 5 Reasons Your New Kid is Way Better Than Your Old Kid