NFL Relieved Players Assaulting Each Other Instead of Women

"While this type of behavior is not ideal in the NFL, it is at least a step up from having to deal with our players beating women and then having to deal with law enforcement and courts and figuring out an appropriate amount of games to suspend a player. I hope that if more players are in need of assaulting someone, they do it to another player on the field and not to a woman off the field."

Bass Player Really Going All Out To Try And Be Noticed

"It's really kind of embarrassing," remarked Rodger Stevenson, manager of one of the local Austin clubs that booked the band. "You have an amazing guitarist playing tough riffs, chord progressions, and solos. There's also the singer, who has amazing control and range, and a drummer who keeps a steady tempo. Yet, this jackass bass player — who's adding absolutely zero to the equation — is trying to steal all of the thunder!"