By Gwyneth Paltrow

You’ve heard all about the miraculous health benefits of eating food, having skin, and regularly inhaling oxygen and nitrogen.

But did you know that one of the best sources of ultra-nutritious nutrients can be found inside that Toyota Prius or Boeing 787 Dreamliner parked in your very own driveway?

That’s right — it’s lithium-ion batteries and I’m chewing on one right now!

The scientifically-backed science couldn’t be any clearer about the extra-extraness and anti-oxygenident properties of these little power-houses.

But you don’t need an advanced degree in a specialized field like biotony or reading to understand why lithium-ion is so good for you — it’s obvious! Anything that can make a car go 420 miles without gas has to be good for you!

Plus, you can find lithium-ion batteries in almost every common household item, from your iPhone to the laser-guided robots in your at-home cosmetic-surgery theater. Everywhere you look, there’s a tasty rechargeable just waiting to be blended into your favorite smoothie.

That’s it for today! Tomorrow I’m going to tell you all about the newly discovered super-superness of impaling your medulla oblongata with quartz crystals! See you then!

By Joe Lichtblau