“I'm not going anywhere, folks. I'm doing a tremendous job of stimulating the economy. Health care workers are enjoying lots of overtime. Mortuary business levels are at an all-time high. They can't even keep up!”
Mom Walks In On Adolescent Son Touching Face
“He tried to cover up by saying he was masturbating, but I knew the only balls he was massaging were his eyeballs, and clearly that was his nose he was rubbing his hand up and down on.”
Boyfriend Gives New Girlfriend Dozen Chocolate-Covered Red Flags For Valentine’s Day
“To me,” says Angela, “each one of these symbolizes a milestone in our romance. Like, this one marks the day I learned Doug really needs me to work hard and earn money so he doesn’t have to live in a basement suite with five ex-felons.”
To Show He A Regular Guy, Mike Bloomberg Buys 100 Super Bowl Squares In Office Game
“I’m not just a regular guy billionaire, I’m a guy who appreciates his underlings.”
My Dick Hangs To The Left But I Assure You I Vote Republican
I may be liberal with my cock, but my cock isn't liberal, you hear? And if it was, I'd beat it until it can't take anymore.
Team of Spelunkers Deployed To Find Out What The Fuck Crawled Up Your Ass
“It’s not the kind of expedition we ever thought we’d participate in, but Jesus Christ! We’ve had enough of your shitty attitude already.”
We Interviewed Billie Joe Armstrong To Ask Why The Fuck He Sounds British When He Sings
We sat down with Green Day's singer, who, for some reason, sounds like some cockney bloke with a nasal drip.
Oh, For Fuck’s Sake, Susan Is Posting About The Weather Again
Holy shit, woman!
Warren Takes DNA Test Again, Results Show She Is 100% Never Going To Be President
“The test's accuracy has an error margin of 0.03%, which is all the confidence I need to continue my presidential run,” Warren stated.