"Every fucking day it’s, 'What time do you work today, Sean?' Like goddamn, fam. My schedule is on the refrigerator. I even text them an image of my schedule every week. Can they not read? And why do they even care?"
“We met, of all places, in a group for fat cats, titled, ‘THIS CAT IS C H O N K Y,’” said Steve, fondly reminiscing about how he ‘met’ Samantha just eight blissful months ago.
"My clinics will provide sexually conscious parents with free or reduced-cost hymen checks for their precious angels, where the parents will be free from harsh judgement and criticism.”
“He can’t even get all of the chips in his mouth. It’s fascinating to watch, really. The crumbs will be stuck in his beard for days, and then he’ll eat them like they’re some kind of special snack. You could make an entire new bag of chips with all the pieces smashed in between the couch cushions."
"Well, quite honestly, I was running out of foreign leaders to conspire with, and well, since I was so gracious in tossing out paper towels to his citizens in their time of need, I felt the President owed me a favor or two."
"I’m looking forward to a relaxing vacation with my family. My job is done here. Nothing bad can happen to me now. My identity is protected. The worst for me is over.”
By Catricia, Photo Edit By Emily Sanchez
"I’ve won so many races in my lifetime and was ready for a new adventure, so I threw my hooves into gay conversion therapy."
By Catricia, Image Edit By Emily Sanchez