“I'm not going anywhere, folks. I'm doing a tremendous job of stimulating the economy. Health care workers are enjoying lots of overtime. Mortuary business levels are at an all-time high. They can't even keep up!”
“He tried to cover up by saying he was masturbating, but I knew the only balls he was massaging were his eyeballs, and clearly that was his nose he was rubbing his hand up and down on.”
“To me,” says Angela, “each one of these symbolizes a milestone in our romance. Like, this one marks the day I learned Doug really needs me to work hard and earn money so he doesn’t have to live in a basement suite with five ex-felons.”
“I’m not just a regular guy billionaire, I’m a guy who appreciates his underlings.”
I may be liberal with my cock, but my cock isn't liberal, you hear? And if it was, I'd beat it until it can't take anymore.
“It’s not the kind of expedition we ever thought we’d participate in, but Jesus Christ! We’ve had enough of your shitty attitude already.”
We sat down with Green Day's singer, who, for some reason, sounds like some cockney bloke with a nasal drip.
Holy shit, woman!
“The test's accuracy has an error margin of 0.03%, which is all the confidence I need to continue my presidential run,” Warren stated.