"I wish I could afford to not care about what people think or how I look, like you do. Actually, it's the only thing I cannot currently afford. You people just don't know how easy you have it. You, Harry, that street sweeper over there - all of you lot. Now finish your tea, dear.”
NFL Draft Dodgers Flee to CFL
Some folks just popped up in Canada looking to workout for any CFL team. They kept chanting 'We're not against the players, we're against the franchise.'
Attention-Whore Antelope Being Chased By Lions Again
“I mean, really, this again?” said one member of the herd, after fleeing to a safe remove in order to observe the goings-on at a distance.
Southwest Introduces Unassigned Flight Policy
"A passenger may have thought they were headed to Oregon for a friend’s wedding, but they might actually end up in Tennessee for an Appalachian festival. Who knows?”
Untreatable, Deadly Virus Also Has Fun, Sensitive Side
Sources close to the tiny RNA chain of nucleotides report that, in private, it is actually quite sociable and emotive.
The Measles 2019 Comeback, Click For Tour Dates and Locations
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is calling it one of the greatest comeback tours to date.
Biden Tells Reporters ‘At Least No One Can Accuse Me Of Being Out Of Touch’
Wilmington, DE — Officially announcing his bid for the Presidency of the United States, Vice President Joe Biden joked with a group of reporters that, "At least no one can accuse me of being out of touch. In fact, I'm very in touch. I've been told it's a problem."
Buttigieg Assures Voters Lobbyist Donations Won’t Affect His Policy Ideas Because He Has None
Buttigieg supporter Vance Danby said that with so many purity tests going on within the Democratic party, it's relieving to have a candidate who "isn't afraid to stand up, get lots of money, basically stand for nothing in particular, and sit back down again."
U.S. Lawmakers Honor The 20th Anniversary Of Columbine Shooting By Not Doing A Damn Thing
"It just feels so good to admit that the best way to serve our constituents is by staying in power. You know which politicians lose power? The ones who do something."