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Month: April 2019

April 29, 2019April 29, 2019 William Boffa Uncategorized

Kate Middleton Gently Reminds Meghan Her Child Will Never Be British Monarch

"I wish I could afford to not care about what people think or how I look, like you do. Actually, it's the only thing I cannot currently afford. You people just don't know how easy you have it. You, Harry, that street sweeper over there - all of you lot. Now finish your tea, dear.”

April 29, 2019April 29, 2019 Zach Englund Uncategorized

NFL Draft Dodgers Flee to CFL

Some folks just popped up in Canada looking to workout for any CFL team. They kept chanting 'We're not against the players, we're against the franchise.'

April 28, 2019June 20, 2019 Joe Lichtblau Uncategorized

Attention-Whore Antelope Being Chased By Lions Again

“I mean, really, this again?” said one member of the herd, after fleeing to a safe remove in order to observe the goings-on at a distance.

April 28, 2019April 28, 2019 hollylovenews Uncategorized

Southwest Introduces Unassigned Flight Policy

"A passenger may have thought they were headed to Oregon for a friend’s wedding, but they might actually end up in Tennessee for an Appalachian festival. Who knows?”

April 27, 2019February 27, 2020 Joe Lichtblau Uncategorized

Untreatable, Deadly Virus Also Has Fun, Sensitive Side

Sources close to the tiny RNA chain of nucleotides report that, in private, it is actually quite sociable and emotive.

April 25, 2019April 25, 2019 Emily Sanchez Uncategorized

The Measles 2019 Comeback, Click For Tour Dates and Locations

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is calling it one of the greatest comeback tours to date.

April 25, 2019April 25, 2019 Emily Sanchez Uncategorized, Politics

Biden Tells Reporters ‘At Least No One Can Accuse Me Of Being Out Of Touch’

Wilmington, DE — Officially announcing his bid for the Presidency of the United States, Vice President Joe Biden joked with a group of reporters that, "At least no one can accuse me of being out of touch. In fact, I'm very in touch. I've been told it's a problem."

April 24, 2019April 29, 2019 William Boffa Politics

Buttigieg Assures Voters Lobbyist Donations Won’t Affect His Policy Ideas Because He Has None

Buttigieg supporter Vance Danby said that with so many purity tests going on within the Democratic party, it's relieving to have a candidate who "isn't afraid to stand up, get lots of money, basically stand for nothing in particular, and sit back down again."

April 21, 2019April 23, 2019 Emily Sanchez Uncategorized, Politics

U.S. Lawmakers Honor The 20th Anniversary Of Columbine Shooting By Not Doing A Damn Thing

"It just feels so good to admit that the best way to serve our constituents is by staying in power. You know which politicians lose power? The ones who do something."

April 21, 2019June 1, 2020 Zachary James Wood Uncategorized

WWJD? So, I Just Went Into My Wells Fargo And Started Whipping People

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