By Zachary James Wood
Time Traveler From Future Thinks 2019 Is Great, Actually
"Why is everyone in such a sour mood; don't you get how good you have it? You still have more than a dozen corporations. The opposition party hasn't been dissolved by the Supreme Court yet, and crypto mining and game streaming haven't strained servers to the point that the entire internet fails!"
WWJD? So, I Just Went Into My Wells Fargo And Started Whipping People
By Zachary James Wood
California Gives Up, Removes All Stop Signs
Establishing a legal framework for the driving maneuver known as “the California roll,” city officials hope to ease traffic congestion, provided that too many out-of-state drivers don't fuck it up for the rest of us.
Nothing Newsworthy Happening Tonight
In what historians are calling the most even-keel day in history, absolutely nothing newsworthy is set to happen in the next few hours.
Cyanide & Happiness Fails for 14th Consecutive Year to Poison Anyone
Although the long-running webcomic Cyanide & Happiness has ostensibly brought happiness to many with its simplistic yet expressive stick figures, a deep dive into their history yields no use at all of cyanide. Founded in 2005 by Rob Denbleyker, Kris Wilson, Dave McElfatrick, and Matt Melvin, C&H has grown over the years in almost every … Continue reading Cyanide & Happiness Fails for 14th Consecutive Year to Poison Anyone
Obituary For The American Dream
Beloved by many but seen by few, the Dream had become a recluse in its later years, often refusing to make a public appearance unless some tech bro sold a new app to Facebook or Google, and even then waving from a distant balcony at its palatial home.