"Letting benefits expire will give hard-working Americans a chance to shop unencumbered by the lazy ones."
Atlanta, GA— During a powerful and moving tribute to Congressman John Lewis, this nation was reminded of a horrible time in history where Blacks experienced racism one second ago.
By 2040, the entire city of Miami may be buried underneath insufferable assholes.
"We don't know what else to say at this point to convince the half of you walking around with your hideous faces all exposed," said a spokesman for a group of doctors on the steps of the Supreme Court, slightly to the left of another group of doctors. "We're going out on a limb to … Continue reading Doctors Now Recommend Wearing A Mask Just To Cover Up Your Dumb, Ugly Face
Presidential candidate Joe Biden has been working around the clock to keep it together until November's election. "They've told me that I can't say certain things anymore. The sugar babies running my campaign have been jotting down my lil' pet names for them, and every morning they read to me this list they got, and … Continue reading Biden Working Tirelessly To Not Call Anyone Sweet Tits Until Election
During an interview with Chris Wallace, President Trump blabbed the answers to the Montreal Cognitive Assessment (MoCA), a test used to screen for mild cognitive impairment and Alzheimer's disease. "We've been using the same test for decades," explained Ziad Nasreddine MD. "So I was shocked when I saw the President telling everyone and their mother … Continue reading Doctors Redo Cognitive Screening Test After Trump Reveals Answers
WASHINGTON Florida Rep. Ted Yoho might have called her a fucking bitch, but Ocasio-Cortez got the last word by wiping the House floor with his fat neck. Ever-the-leader, AOC refused to call him a thin dick no chin shriveled up ol' ballsack who's never had an original thought in his life, and has voted both … Continue reading AOC Refuses To Lower Self To Rep. Shriveled Up Ol’ Ballsack Yoho’s Level
"Life is a mountain that we're all climbing, but that doesn't mean it's a race. Be sure to stop along the way and eat the roses. Or leaves, weeds, someone's shoelaces, whatever you can find."
WASHINGTON After months of no help from the federal government, millions of Americans can look forward to a second wave of stimulus from Washington. "We know that most Americans can still afford a couple of entrees for $65 at their local Outback, but that $8.99 classic Bloomin' Onion is just out of reach," Senate Majority … Continue reading Congress Announce New Stimulus Bill: Free Bloomin’ Onion Coupon With Entrée Purchase At Participating Outback Steakhouse
"Look, it's just unnatural to care about a so-called 'profession' wherein 75% of the workers are female. Oh, sorry, the teachers are female, the principals are mostly male, so we try to get the principals' input when we can," said a spokesman for the Republican National Committee. "I know they're all concerned about safety or … Continue reading Republicans Explain If Teachers Mattered God Wouldn’t Have Made Them Women