Camden, NJ —

Citing evidence that “I’ve been smoking weed for years, and I’m not sick,” local scientist roommate Dave Fellowes believes he has found the cure for “literally everything, bruh. Cancer, the flu, man… It’s like, whoa, everything.”

Dave looks like any ordinary roommate, reclining lazily across his couch, which doubles as his research laboratory. Dave offered a dose of his medicinal breakthrough to his roommate, who declined the generous offer. “You sure, man? This one is really potent.”

Dave’s goal is to “save the world, man,” but as of press time, Dave has not yet filed for a single patent, claiming “that’s how they get you.”

By Paul Klingle, Image Edit: Paul Klingle