Tiffin, OH —
A small neighborhood was completely shaken up when local parent, Renee Marie, was arrested for reportedly stealing her child’s nose. The crime occurred in Josiah Hedges Park sometime in the early afternoon. Witnesses overheard the demented mother boisterously proclaim that she was going to take the nose from her own baby, and then proceeded to take the nose from said child without their permission. “I don’t know how someone can be so nonchalant about thievery,” Officer Landon told reporters. “It doesn’t look good. Multiple people overheard Mrs. Marie stating out loud that she had the baby’s nose in her possession.” The mother refutes having the baby’s nose and has yet to come forward with any information on the whereabouts of the stolen nose. “We ask all of the citizens to be vigilant for any signs of a small nose,” Landon proclaimed at the press conference. “We will not rest until this baby’s nose is found and returned to him.” The victim refused to comment on the matter.
By Zach Englund