In what is being described as “incredibly optimistic news for marriage,” a report has found that contrary to the common presumption, most people only have elusive affairs with past lovers every 5 to 10 months.
“Let’s face it: you still hook up with your ex, I still hook up with my ex, and your partner definitely still sleeps with their ex,” said the lead researcher. “But what we’re finding is that surprisingly, most people actually avoid having passionate entanglements with old flames at least 90% of the time.”
Until now, scientists still relied on data from the 1970s which claimed that a healthy human has a discreet, emotionally-regressive blast from the past at least twice or week, or any time they’re out of the house longer than expected. “While it can’t be denied that those people exist,” continued the researcher, “emerging evidence is finding that they only represent 20, maybe 30 percent of the population.”
Many members of the public have expressed relief at this knowledge, stating that they experience less jealousy in their relationships and feel “more emotionally free” to now pursue their own affairs.