“Listen, they don’t give me any credit,” Trump said as he tipped over “Front Row Cripple Chris,” in front of dozens of cheering fans. “China. My deal with the Jews and Arabs. My beautiful, beautiful wall. But it’s not me they’re after. The liberal media is after you. The hardworking Americans. Sad,” he lamented, kicking the tires like he was at a Volvo dealership. “Obamacare and Sleepy Joe and Hillary. Hundreds of thousands of really bad hombres are coming over here every day. Huge numbers. They say the Kung Flu is bad, just wait.”

When asked about his horrible treatment of the former Gulf War veteran, a self-proclaimed ‘Trump for Lifer’ said, “He was just giving Jesus the opportunity to heal the old bastard. It’s not his fault the good Lord ain’t do nothing.”

Following the terrifying display, Trump’s approval rating went up 13% among Republican voters.

By Emily Sanchez