"I can’t let all those religious families down, and ruin their celebration of the resurrection of their Lord and Savior, which somehow involves me and eggs,” she said while taking a drag of her 18th cigarette of the day.
"Just choose happiness. Your whining is getting old...Maybe go for a walk out in nature. Make a choice to be different already.”
After the service, the couple plan to have Matt’s cremated remains carefully mixed into a pot of William’s favorite chili recipe, together with several pounds of burning hot Carolina Reaper peppers, so Matt can savage William’s luscious little butthole one last time.
This isn't the America we know.
"What I lack in a voting record, I make up for in sheer, devastating handsomeness."
“Our drivers live extremely busy lives — with their working, hiking with their dogs, running marathons, making multiple trips to Whole Foods each week, and juicing their celery...This will save our customers time rifling through their collection of Dave Matthews Band songs to find that 'perfect' song that fits their mood."