Today, cheese-enthusiasts' minds were blown when Kraft Foods Group, Inc. announced they would be introducing their first ever drinkable cheese. “We’re excited to launch our Probiotic Queso Smoothie. Our consumers' digestive health is important to us, and we wanted a product that reflects this."
"He shared a meme depicting Michelle Obama as a gorilla. What the fuck Grandpa, she hasn't been First Lady for like two years."
"We promise to do better."
“We’ve always been pro-choice. So if and when the Supreme Court overturns Roe vs Wade we just want women in this country to know they can depend on us 100% for all their abortion needs."
“I’ll just grab the lighter real quick and leave,” he thought to himself. "In and out."
"I wish I could afford to not care about what people think or how I look, like you do. Actually, it's the only thing I cannot currently afford. You people just don't know how easy you have it. You, Harry, that street sweeper over there - all of you lot. Now finish your tea, dear.”
"I can’t let all those religious families down, and ruin their celebration of the resurrection of their Lord and Savior, which somehow involves me and eggs,” she said while taking a drag of her 18th cigarette of the day.
"Just choose happiness. Your whining is getting old...Maybe go for a walk out in nature. Make a choice to be different already.”
After the service, the couple plan to have Matt’s cremated remains carefully mixed into a pot of William’s favorite chili recipe, together with several pounds of burning hot Carolina Reaper peppers, so Matt can savage William’s luscious little butthole one last time.