"Well, quite honestly, I was running out of foreign leaders to conspire with, and well, since I was so gracious in tossing out paper towels to his citizens in their time of need, I felt the President owed me a favor or two."
Whistleblower Unaware He’s Going to Commit Suicide Soon
"I’m looking forward to a relaxing vacation with my family. My job is done here. Nothing bad can happen to me now. My identity is protected. The worst for me is over.”
EPA Announces New Pumpkin Spice Asbestos Just In Time For Fall
By Catricia, Photo Edit By Emily Sanchez
American Pharoah Tries Biting The Gay Out Of Mike Pence In New Conversion Biting Therapy
"I’ve won so many races in my lifetime and was ready for a new adventure, so I threw my hooves into gay conversion therapy."
Polls Show Apocalypse Leading In 2020 US Presidential Race
By Catricia, Image Edit By Emily Sanchez
Songs To Suck Dick To
Forget the lyrics about death and gloom, and grab a dick, feel the music flow through you, and get to sucking, honey. The anger in this song is inspiration for some optimal hardcore dick sucking.
Man Who Brags About Eating Ass Refuses To Eat Pineapple On Pizza
“My girl could go an entire month without showering and I’d still eat her ass over a slice of Hawaiian pizza any day of the week.”
Woman Starting New Diet Has Already Lost 6 Friends
The sounds of groans and despair from her friends in reaction to Alicia’s Facebook announcement of her new egg-only diet could be heard in unison from around the world. So far she has lost six friends and counting.