goodbye. forever.
In an unfortunate incident that could have turned deadly, President Biden's Secret Service detail left him in the backseat after failing to notice he was not with them as they entered the White House. "It's not the first time," admits Director Kimberly Cheatle. "The hum of the car knocks him right out. Sometimes they leave … Continue reading Secret Service Admits To Forgetting Biden In Backseat As Temps Near Triple Digits
Donald Trump was disappointed that his offer of hush money to New York grand jurors was ignored. "I don't know what happened. I offered them two nights at Mar-a-Lago and $100 in casino credits. I only needed 11 votes. Maybe the non-disclosure agreements were too much." Trump remains confident he can still quash the indictment. … Continue reading Trump Offers Hush Money To Grand Jurors
This sophisticated manicure is the perfect complement to the Guy Fieri Dorito Finger look that took last summer by storm.
"I'd like to apologize to everyone I hurt, and since that little whiny ass b- won't take my phone call like a real man so that I can be the bigger person and quit having everyone around me get all flinchy every time I go to swing at them, I'm making this video. I'd like … Continue reading Will Smith Apologizes To Chris Rock For Raw-Dogging His Fat Skank Mom
"This is such an important time in our nation's history! Trump 2024!! God bless all the guns that these little babies will get to hold and maybe even run from."
"Sure, I'd have loved to see the story fully developed, but I'm certainly not going to give them my money."
"The world should not only fear the big nuke they can see," began Putin in a press conference, "but they should fear the other nesting nukes. Inside every Russian nuke is 6 gradually smaller nukes, and finally the baby nuke. The baby nuke is the most powerful, for one day, inside it will nest other … Continue reading Putin Threatens ‘In Every Russian Nuke Is 6 Gradually Smaller Nukes And Finally Baby Nuke’
"This is part of our continued efforts to right the wrongs of this company," Walmart CEO Doug McMillon said of their pledge to stop following black customers throughout their stores. "We know that our standard policy is often viewed as racist, or something, so to honor Black History Month, we figured this was the absolute … Continue reading Walmart To Stop Following Black Customers Around The Store For Month Of February
After making controversial remarks about the Holocaust, Whoopi Goldberg, currently in her 32nd year hosting ABC's The View, pledges to use her suspension to think about what it truly means to be a Goldberg. "Am I a race? Am I a religion? Am I even Jewish? How can I turn this suspension into a firing?" … Continue reading Whoopi To Use Her Suspension As Time To Think About What It Means To Be A Goldberg
"Get thee away from here!"
