Last I heard, Britain didn't have hospitals running out of beds and bankrupting millions, but by all means, enjoy having to pay slightly less for tea.
"Yes, money is the only real tool to acquire resources," said the vagabond. "But this sage benefactor knew that I would just spend that money on alcohol. By donating food instead, he freed me from this mental prison and showed me you can overcome anything with enough sandwiches. I can only thank him for knowing what's best for me, more than I ever could."
"It's been tough going with this pandemic and civil unrest, but if nothing else, it will be good training for the no-more-coffee crisis, no-more-pollinators crisis, no-more-water crisis, no-more-Virgin Islands crisis, and the inevitable no-more-topsoil crisis," remarked every single person born after 1990.
"I feel mortified by this. Why didn't anyone tell me to flip it the right way up? This is just like what happened to Japan."
The calculator appeared generally nonplussed about the accusation, staying silent on the matter other than quietly clapping back with the message "boobs."
"Very promising" and "good-sad rather than bad-sad" are just a few ways producer Finneas O'Connell has described Rosey.
"Our test audience showed real excitement every time we injected little, digestible doses of reality into our usual punditry. Over time, we may consider moving slowly toward a 50% truth-based system, similar to that on most cable news shows."
"You want to take the power back? Vote."
The American Psychological Association released a memo advising all US residents to calmly log out of social media, remove their phone battery, and walk slowly toward the ocean.
"I guess it's nice that the three cheese roast beef is still here."