"Say food production goes down. The price of food skyrockets. You know whose problem that is? Poor people's. Floods? That's a problem if you're on the ground. Not if you're a hardworking American who can afford to build a 100-foot lighthouse."
“Nigel comes across as this obnoxious, rude person who you’re embarrassed to be around anywhere, ever. But then, as you get to know him, you realize he is much more God-awful than that. By the way, if you see him, please remind him that he owes me $572.”
The U.K. is about to begin celebrating a uniquely British holiday known as Last Week of May. We met with Dr. Jerome Citron, Professor Emeritus of British Holidays at Oxford University, for more details.
According to sources close to the scene, a human embryo in its eighth week of development has been frantically checking at least once an hour to see if it is developing a rights-conferring penis.
"The café must know that classy middle-aged mothers will go apeshit for a granola with TWO superfoods in the title. And they know that every single one of them is going to butcher the pronunciation. This has got to be some kind of sick joke."
Of course, this was way back when. It's ancient history now. It's been at least two months.